Holiday Eating Tips
Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a
Holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next
door, where they're serving rum balls.
Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like a
fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even
rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any othert
ime of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.
enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you
think. It's Christmas!
If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.
Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a
Holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next
door, where they're serving rum balls.
Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like a
fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even
rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any othert
ime of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.
enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you
think. It's Christmas!
If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.
make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why
bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.
Do not have a snack before going to a party in an
effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots
of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you exercise between
now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
If you come across something really good at a
buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape
and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't
budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you
leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a
slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two
apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you
get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded
with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
costs. I mean, have some standards.
One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you
leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been
paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry,
January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
Intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
Preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
One hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up,
Totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
I don't know where this came from, but I thought it was tooooo funny not to share!!
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why
bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.
Do not have a snack before going to a party in an
effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots
of it. Hello?
Under no circumstances should you exercise between
now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
If you come across something really good at a
buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape
and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't
budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you
leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a
slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two
apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you
get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded
with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
costs. I mean, have some standards.
One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you
leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been
paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry,
January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
Intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
Preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
One hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up,
Totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
I don't know where this came from, but I thought it was tooooo funny not to share!!
1 People Shoutin' Out:
I have been reading, and rigidly following, this Lady's Nutritional Advice for better than half a century! It has made me the Man I am today!
I Highly Recommend that You Follow it, too!
Norm!
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