Mom's Par-tay!

(L-R) The kids having their gift exchange, the girls showing off their goodies, Noah chowing down Bountiful Beer Bread, Ken reading everykiddie a story (There's a Monster At The End Of This Book!), and Gina and Karla, hangin out and smiling pretty for the camera.

Well, our December Mom's group par-tay has come and gone today. It was a great
evening filled with lots of laughter, fantastic food, and beautiful belches.
Hm...let's retreat back to the Sesame Street days and sing a little song;

"One of these things is not like the others,

One of these things just doesn't belong.

Can you guess which thing is not like the others

By the time I finish this song?"

Yes, and now you have to guess. Shouldn't be hard, as it's the only gross one up there. Yep, the food was gross! BBQ pork, sinful potatoes, fruit, corn, veggies, tasty taquitos, pie and cookies. Ok, so the food was completely yummy, it was my beautiful belches that didn't quite belong! But it wasn't really my fault, REALLY!! Robin totally put me up to it by threatening me and saying; "I'll tell everyone what W.D. means!!" And she would! (don't know what W.D. means? great, just checking)

So the deal is: if I will belch, Greg will show us his dance. Yes, I said Greg. Oh, I forgot to mention, all the husbands came too, which made for a fun night for everyone, except me! I didn't have anyone to stand up for me so I was attacked, ATTACKED I tell ya!

Suddenly I'm not a "white-girl" anymore, I'm a "red-girl"! (fine, so it took me a minute to get the joke....leave me alone!). Which means these people had no mercy and I was beat red for about 10 minutes. I was worried that the secret origin of W.D. would come out and I would have to face the humility of being W.D. to more than just Karla and Robin, it would be to like, 5 whole people! Yikes!!

Then it came...the rumbly in my tumbly...I could feel it! I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled again and

"BBBBRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRPPPP!!!!!"

Out it came. Much to my embarrassment, everyone looked shocked. Except for Karla and Robin of course. Sheesh, girls, where's the love?!?!? But fair's fair, right?

Because then we all got to watch Greg's "Stevie Wonder" dance, and suddenly, my burping talent didn't seem so awful!!!

Good News!!! Yipeee!!

Doesn't that just look like a good news face?!? That's the face of a little boy who just found out that his Daddy got the two days after Christmas off!!! That means he gets to spend Christmas day with us. He gets to indulge in the prime rib dinner, gets to open a few gifts, gets to take a little nap and rest up for leftovers, and gets so sit around the living room and visit with the family a little.

With everyone going out to Pearce this year, it's shaping up to be a wonderful, fun and laughter filled holiday, and now Helaman gets to enjoy it as well. I am so excited, and Helaman more than deserves it. We get to spend Christmas together as a family! Yipeeeeeeee!!!!!

A Shave And A Hair Cut.....

Well, I suppose I have learned a lesson here. I was just excited, that's all. About the rain, and the clouds, and

the cold weather that made it feel like we were in, oh, I don't
know....DECEMBER?!?!?!?!

Hmmm...maybe ya'll don't quite know what I'm talking about.

We got rain! And wind! And clouds! And the sun didn't shine for like, THREE whole days!! So rather than continue to water my plants with the hose, I thunk that I should put them out at the edge of the porch so they could be refreshed by the wonderfully cold falling rain water. I assumed they would be fine out there - after all, it's not like we have cows wandering around our neighborhood or anything. Sheesh. Then we decided to take a little trip out to see my parents for a couple days. We left Sunday afternoon and came back Tuesday afternoon. See the pristine condition of my sweet, green plants up there in the picture?

As I walked up on the porch, I noticed something different about my precious plants, something that caught my attention but also something so subtle that I didn't react at first. And then it hit me - there wasn't much left of them!

"Did it freeze while we were gone?" I turned and asked my hubby.

"It might have, but I'll bet that there is another reason for the dismembered look of your greenery."

Sure enough, there were the easy-to-read signs that proved that this was no freeze! This was the scene of a crime! The split-hoof indentations in the dust and the HAAA-UUUUUGE pile of crap in the center of our front yard both pointed to the guilty culprit - the cotton-picking COWS!!!!! See what happened to my precious plants? That I've raised from tiny, sick babies who were going to be thown into the dumpster and left for dead?!? Oh, those rotton cows who I used to think were cute and think how fun it was to live in an area so rural that the area is still open range and lots of space and plenty of room to roam and run around it.

Oh, boy, next time I see a cow, I'm gonna....well I'll um.....Well, you can bet your booty that I'll scare the monster away, that's what I'll do. With the horn of my car, or a loud party horn, or....something. Freakin' fartin' cows. I agree with Tanner.

Once Upon A Bubble...

There once was a cute boy named Noah

Who ate lots so he could up tall grow-a.

He would smile, hug, and laugh

Every time he was in the bath

He put on a funny bright show-a.

I just thought this was a cute picture. We are in Pearce, visiting my parents for a couple of days and Noah is just in heaven with Papa and all his tools and Nana with all her birds. My folks are building an aviary for all the birds they have rescued, so naturally, Noah is in the middle of everything, trying to help. While him and Helaman were outside looking at the beginning stages of the aviary, Helaman asked,

"Noah, what kind of tree is this?" (looking at a pine tree)

"I don't know." replied Noah.

"Yes you do!" said Helaman, "Doesn't it look like a Christmas tree?"

"No, Daddy" replied our super-smart 3-year-old, "It doesn't have any lights on it!!"

Here, Kitty Kitty Kitty

Well, my son is now 3. Yep...he's a big boy now. No more little boy stuff, or baby stuff. No more "Big squeeze, little squeeze". He's just tooooo big for some of those silly things. And yet, he seems to be growing into more things. Like his 4t pants! I mean, he just keeps getting taller and taller. Oh, and he has developed the most amazing imagination. You can sit on the floor and play with him and his Chevron cars for 2 hours. REALLY. Just making up stories, talking about life, driving around town, cruising down the strip, asking what your name is and coming up with a different a different name for each car every time.

And there's this funny thing about pretending to be a dog. With the tongue hangin' outa the mouth and wanting to eat on the floor and all that. He's a dog about 20% of his day right now. But right before lunch, he switches into "CAT" mode. There goes the other 59% of his day (he spends about 1% of his day being a little, ahem, I mean big boy).

So as you smile to yourself thinking of how cute it would be to see a 3 year old pretend to be a sweet kitty cat all morning or afternoon, let me show you a typical conversation with my 3 year old as we wake up in the morning:

"Hey, sweetie! How did you sleep?" I ask.
"Good, meow, good. Thank you meow."
"Are you ready to get up and eat breakfast?"
"Yes, meow. Meow would like meow milk in meow bowl on the floor, meow"
"Well, let's first go potty and we'll talk about the milk on the floor. C'mon, follow me into the bathroom."
"NOOOOO! KITTIES DON'T GO POTTY IN TOILETS!! KITTIES GO POTTY IN BOXES!!"
"Well, you are a little boy pretending to be a kitty, and little boys go pee-pee in the toilet."
"But I'm not a little boy, I a big boy." (assume the pouty-lip face)
"Ok. Sorry. You are a big boy, so let's go pee-pee in the potty like a big boy."

We tinkle, we wash our hands, we sit at the table to eat.

"Meow would like meow milk now please meow."
"Ok, and what would you like in your milk?"
"Meow kitty oatmeal please, meow."

After eating said oatmeal and I walk towards him with the washcloth.....

"NOOOOOO! KITTIES DON'T GET CLEANED UP! KITTIES LICK THEMSELVES LIKE THIS! I NO NEED TO BE WIPED!!"
"Yes, kitties lick themselves, but you are a big boy pretending to be a kitty and therefore must be wiped down after eating sticky oatmeal." (if I throw in a big word or two like that, he furrows his little forehead and thinks about this larger word which gives me 3 seconds of wipe-down time before he scampers off to his room)

2 minutes before I MUST (I will repeat MUST) be out the door to avoid the train, the little boy walking to the bus stop with his dog who is not leashed, the short bus that I WILL inevitably get stuck behind (lemme tell ya, those kids don't board too quick), so I can get to the fitness center to get Noah checked in and get my equipment set up before all the good spots and nice weights are taken so I don't have to stand up front, (breathe) I go into Noah's room to get him dressed.

"C'mon sweetie! Let's get dressed so we can go!" (as I enter, I see that my son is completely in the buck)
"NOOOOOO! MOMMA, KITTIES DON'T WEAR CLOTHES!! THEY DON'T WEAR CHONIES! THEY NO WEAR SHIRTS LIKE THIS! NO CLOTHES! KITTIES HAVE NO CLOTHES! OH, SHOES HURT MY KITTY FEET! OW, OW, OW!! I HAVE CLAWS LIKE THIS AND I NEED TO USE THEM TO WALK! NO SOCKS, NO SHOES, NO CHONIES!"
"Oh, I know a coupla kitties who I've seen wear clothes."
"Where? I want to see. Who wears clothes? Not MY kitties!"
"Nope. Not your kitties. But you are just a little boy pretending to be a kitty, so you must wear clothes so you don't get cold."

And thus starts the "little boy" discussion again.

As I start my aerobics class in the very front row, directly to the right of the intructor, in front of the mirrors, with the grimy weights that have the coating peeling off of them, I realize that there are worse things that my son could pretend to be. I just can't seem to think of one of them right now.