Holiday Eating Tips

Holiday Eating Tips

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a
Holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.
In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next
door, where they're serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like a
fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even
rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any othert
ime of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.
enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you
think. It's Christmas!

If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the
whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.

make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with
gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why
bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an
effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots
of it. Hello?

Under no circumstances should you exercise between
now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which
you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a
buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape
and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't
budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you
leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a
slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two
apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you
get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded
with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all
costs. I mean, have some standards.

One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you
leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been
paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry,
January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the
Intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
Preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in
One hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up,
Totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

I don't know where this came from, but I thought it was tooooo funny not to share!!

Cool Things About December In Arizona...

Well, howdy ya'll!!! I know it seemed as though I'd never get back on here and let 'cha know that I was still kickin' out here in Southern AZ, but here I am, bein' sassy and tryin' to keep the household runnin' as a Single Mom. Let me tell ya...it ain't no fun. I think if every room had heat, I would be to deal with all that goes on with running a household, but as it is, I have heat in 2 rooms, so it's hard to function in those other 6 rooms. Yes, it's cold here. How cold, you ask? Well, it freezes here at night, and the highs are somewhere in the 60's. Sure, you're thinking that it's much colder than that wherever you are, but do you have 12 inch thick adobe walls? The kind of walls that the cold penetrates and you have to fight to keep the cold out once it permeates those walls? Ha! I didn't think so. But really, this isn't a super whining fest for me. Although it's fun 'cuz I can whine and I don't see your reaction and you can't give me any smart-alecky retorts.

Soooo, being a Single Momma isn't fun. I always had respect for single Moms, (or I would shake my head sadly at them when they told me of their single parenting woes but secretely said, "HA! Shoulda tried a little harder to prevent this situation", which is narrow minded and cruel now that I look back on it), but now I think they are amazing. Most of them have to work, I don't. And I still have a hard time keeping the dishes washed.

While you may think that this is pointless and going nowhere (and you're probably right) I do have a point. And it is: As a new Single Mom (SM - like Super Mom), I have found myself asking for help when I never thought I would. And asking for help much sooner than I thought. Like this weekend. And Hele's only been gone 2 weeks. Sheesh, I miss that guy. He called and said "Do you miss me?", "Of course!" I replied. "I have to take out the trash! It stinks!". Ha, ha. I was just being funny.

So my parents decided to take Mr. B shopping with them this weekend. I thought that was a really neat idea and decided to go shopping as well. I observed many interesting things while visiting the big city. I felt like the country mouse visiting the hugest city in the world, it was amazing.

First Observation: No matter who you are, how much you weigh, or what the weather is outside, you can wear whatever you want inside the mall. There was this really skinny guy wearing the most skin tight jeans and henley I've ever seen. He looked like a very tall, white walking stick.
Then (of course) there was a very, VERY large hispanic woman wearing a black skirt that came halfway up her thighs - when she was standing up. And she only stood up once the whole time she was in the food court, and that was to order her food.

Second Observation: You can sell anything in the mall this time of year. That is, you can sell anything in the mall in ARIZONA this time of year. Like the booth that sold Snow Makers. Yep. No, really!! They had the small one that would make enough snow for 2 snowballs for $19.95 on up to the big one that could make enough snow to make a snowman for $59.99. And they were giving demos, and they had a bigger line than Santa Claus. It was hilarious.

Third Observation: Well, um...this kind of falls into the second observation, but I like this store so it earned it's owned observation. I went into a flip flop store that was called "The Flip Flop Store"!!! It was sooo cool! They had every kind of brand of flip flop! I must have spent 45 minutes in there looking at the beautiful array of my ultimate favorite foot covering. The manager finally came over and gave me a 20% off coupon to get me to make up my mind. The lady behind me in line said, "Only in AZ will you find a store completely devoted to selling flip-flops". I replied, "What's really funny is that it's open on December 9th and business is booming!!".

That was part of my trip to the big city on Saturday. It was fun to shop without my son and escape for awhile, but it was nice to wake up to a little warm body snuggling up to me this morning to tell me that he got to see "Nanta Clausth" in W@lm@rt yesterday. So, I'm back in the action with my blog, and I think I went through "Blogger Withdrawl" because, HOLY HECK! I just can't stop typing! I promise I will be more diligent in writing so ya'll can check out what's going (or not going) on with us out here.